


Mad Without You

by AnonymousMink



Series: Madness Becomes Her [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark fic, F/M, Future Fic, Ivy is nothing like the show because GOTHAM DID HER WRONG, Mutual Pining, Unhealthy Relationships, jerome as the joker, jerome lived, well as much of a happy ending as two murderous clowns can get
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-07-27 18:30:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousMink/pseuds/AnonymousMink
Summary: A gift gone wrong sees Harley out on the street, alone in the cold with only the clothes on her back (and two large dogs of course) she finds help from an unlikely source, another one of the very patients she used to work with.J however is not so lucky. It doesn’t take him long to realise that life without Harley isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and he decides its far past time for her to come home.Only convincing her may not be as easy as he thinks.Attempting to woo her with a series of increasingly elaborate and deadly plans, one question remains - can Gotham survive the lovers tiff of the century?(Fourth Part of 'Madness Becomes Her' series, a future AU started during the S4 hiatus so completely uncanon after that point! Gotham elements grown into a more familiar DC universe. Joker/Harley.)





	1. Bad at Love

**Author's Note:**

> In the immortal words of Brittany Spears, ‘Oops I did it again!’ 
> 
> So I seemed to have tripped over and written yet another little foray into the Madness universe, I can’t stay away! It’s inspired by a couple of BTAS episodes (you’ll know the ones) and is gonna be a little shorter than some of the other stories in this series, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! 
> 
> (And if by any chance there are any ‘Fear Itself’ readers here do not worry, I’m still working to get that story finished too! Katrina and Jonathan will get their ending before too long!)
> 
> And as always my forever thanks to my alpha reader and dear friend, Kachina! Your enthusiasm is so inspiring <3 if you like Jeromeker/Harley fics be sure to check her work out too - it’s amazing! :-D

 

 

Fuck  _ everything. _

J crumpled the paper in his hands, hurling it violently at the wall as a growl worked its way up from the pit of his gut. A dull edged roar of absolute failure.

He  _ hated  _ failure.

His skin was too tight, insides straining against it as he bashed his fist against the desk. He needed to vent it, bleed the anger out in a hail of violence so he could think again, see through the red, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

Cos he was too busy thinking about FAILURE!

The plan had started so well, a masterclass in chaos. A super sneaky secret mission that would have had Gotham talking for  _ months. _

But then the dominos had started falling one by one and now…  _ boom. _

The packets of party balloons mocked him, rubber sacks of uselessness emblazoned with Bruce Wayne’s face on them. Dozens upon dozens of them.

What the hell was he supposed to do with them now? Stick a Batman mask on them and wait until Halloween?

_ Ridiculous. _

God, he hadn’t tried to kill Bruce Wayne in  _ ages,  _ eons even. He’d mentioned it to Harls off hand a few weeks ago and the thought had stuck, going from an idea to a plan to a  _ masterpiece _ . A dull pang of nostalgia echoed up through the rage as he imagined things as they were supposed to be. The balloons filled with his new-brew laughing gas bursting in that big old mansion and driving the party  _ wild.  _ Him and Harley and the kids all there to crash the bash and burn the place to the ground.

Harley would have loved it, she was always complaining they didn’t go dancing enough. They could have danced together in the flames… toasted marshmallows over the butler, but… but no.

Bruce Wayne was dead and J’s plan was  _ ruined. _

 

—-

 

J had been busy. Like  _ super _ busy.

So caught up in his  _ secret  _ plans Harley felt like hadn’t seen him properly in weeks _ ,  _ his face set in a permanent frown as he went about his work. Sending her away whenever she sat too close or breathed too loud.

She didn’t like seeing him that way, her puddin’ had such a wonderful smile after all. She  _ missed _ it.

That’s why she’d come up with the  _ surprise,  _ something to turn that frown upside down and put everything to rights again! She’d spent all week getting it perfect, roping in Laney and a couple of the guys to help her out, sneaking around to bring her vision to life.

Now she just had to tell him about it.

“Oh Mistah Jayyyyy!” She sang as she bounced into the room. It was worse than she thought, his face set in a deep pout that had her heart squeezing in sympathy. “I have a surprise for you, handsome!”

“Not now Harls,” he grumbled, frustration flashing darkly in his eyes as she rushed to his side. “It’s  _ not  _ a good time.”

Wiggling her way into his lap she pressed her fingers into his dimples, stretching his scarred cheeks into a smile. “It’ll make you smilllle, puddin’,  _ promise.” _

“Fine,” he huffed, snapping at her hands and making her giggle as he wrapped his arms around her.  The familiar warmth shooting all the way down to her toes as she grinned at him.

“Guess…” she leaned in closer, lowering her voice to a sultry hush, “who just bit the big one at last…  _ Bruce Wayne.” _

He stiffened ever so slightly, eyes casting over her with an unreadable look, “why would that make me  _ smile?” _

“You said just the other day,” she pouted, slipping her fingers beneath his shirt collar, “what a shame it was he was still zooming around the city in his stupid rich boy car. Well, that’s not a problem anymore. I made sure of that!”

“... _ you?”  _

She preened at the disbelief on his face, licking her lips as she moved just to be closer to him. So close that when she spoke again she could feel his scars against her lips.

“Mmhmm,” she purred over the sound of her pulse racing in her ears, her whole body tingling with adrenaline, “A whoopee-cushion trigger under the seat hooked up to a mountain of C4 in the trunk. He sat down and,” she blew a raspberry, “ _ BOOM _ !”

Her ass hit the floor, shoulders aching as he suddenly shoved her off his lap. Staring up at him in wounded confusion as he kicked the chair back and rose to his feet above her.  _ Glowering.  _

“What?” She asked, stomach twisting as she struggled to her feet, “I thought you’d be happy, baby. You said just the other day you…”

“That ‘I’ Harley, not  _ you,”  _ he roared, face unrecognizable. So twisted in rage she tasted bile as he took a menacing step towards her, forcing her backwards. “Bruce was  _ mine  _ to kill, I had plans! Plans on top of plans,” he threw a handful of paper at her, “and you’ve  _ ruined _ them all!”

“I- I’m Sorry Mistah J,” she stuttered, cringing away from the black hatred in his gaze as a tight wad of guilt and fear and anguish coiled in her gut, “I didn’t know -  you didn’t tell me…”

“ _ Tell _ you?” His voice went deadly quiet, dropping so suddenly she felt her heart  _ twist.  _ Trembling as he advanced on her with perfectly measured strides, ”why the hell would I  _ tell _ you? Are you my boss? My  _ partner _ ?”

She flinched.

Each word struck her harder than if he’d just hit her. Angry tears burning behind her eyes as he drew to a halt inches from her face, voice almost  _ soft _ as he ripped her apart completely.

“You’re a _goon,_ Harley, a sidekick. You’re a fucking punchline and I am rapidly losing sight of the funny side.”

“You don’t-” she hated how weak her voice sounded, the hurt whine in it as she searched for the man she loved in his face and found only icy rage looking back, “you don’t mean that-“

“Out.” He muttered.

“ _ J-” _

“ _ OUT!”  _ The whisper became a roar, slamming into her like a fist as he pushed the door open behind her and shoved her harshly through, “BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT!”

Bruises blossomed across her skin, a thousand aches she’d never heal from as she fled from the hideout. Only stopping long enough to snatch up the dogs’ leashes as she ran, blinded by tears, into the night.

 

—-

 

The days were getting warmer but Harley had never felt colder as she traipsed through late night Gotham. Coat drawn tight against the imagined chill as her brain buzzed, a steady stream of white noise that drowned out everything else.

The streets looked the same to her, a never ending maze of gray brick and unsmiling faces. She turned without thinking into the park as she passed the high fence.

Why not, where else should she go?

She didn’t know anyone, didn’t have any friends. Any family. It had always been her against the world.

Her… and  _ him. _

Two of a kind.

The trees were black against the sunset, the dogs pulling at their leash as she stared straight ahead and forced herself not to cry again. Not in public. She’d already spent half an hour sobbing her guts up in some dank alleyway somewhere, enough was enough. The dogs needed her. 

Fresh air, that’s what would fix everything, fresh air and exercise.

No one bothered her as she traipsed down the path, shoulders hunched. Gotham rules, don’t make eye contact. Don’t look twice. 

She almost wished they would.

Wished there was something,  _ anything _ to distract her, to break the ragged cycle of thoughts chewing up her brain like a rabid hamster.

She was alone.

_ Again _ .

Emptied out and aching and utterly, utterly abandoned.

She might as well be dead.

She turned off the path without thinking, the jagged edges of her heart slicing into her with every beat until she was certain that she was bleeding from within. Might as well find some dark corner to curl up in… she was pathetic.

Stumbling around the corner unseeing it took her a full thirty seconds to realise her legs had been knocked out from under her and she’d been sent flying onto her ass for the second time in a day.

She blinked up at the silhouette, the strangers hands raised defensively like claws.

“ _ You made a grave mistake coming here, meat bag.”  _ Green eyes flashed, her voice like a forties movie star as the moon appeared from behind the clouds. Shining off a sharp tipped nail as it flashed through the air, and a familiar face.

“Ivy?” Harley’s eyes flew wide, shock still zinging up her spine as she sat in the dirt and waited for the blow to fall. Not quite able to bring herself to care.

Ivy stopped her strike in mid air, a frown appearing between perfectly manicured brows as she squinted down at her, “ _ Doctor Quinzel?” _

Harley rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly as she dragged herself to her feet, hushing the dogs as they started to bark, “pretty sure they’ve revoked my license by now, call me Harley, everyone does.”

“Small world,” Ivy said eyeing her critically, “what’re you doing here?”

Harley looked around, she’d wandered into the allotments without realising. No one came here anymore, especially at night. They knew better.

“Walking?” She offered, more of a question than anything, “I didn’t exactly have anywhere else to go…”

“Really?” Ivy sniffed, looking like something out of those old noir movies about dangerous dames. Black and white beautiful in the middle of all the greenery, “I thought you were running around with the  _ Joker _ these days…”

Her heart clenched.

“I am, I mean I was… I…” she couldn’t keep it up any longer, face crumpling like a cheap paper napkin as she burst into tears. Great ugly sobs that had her shaking as the reality of it all sank in.

He’d kicked her out. He’d  _ left  _ her. After everything they’d been through, everything she’d given up for him. It was too much, her insides caving in as she clutched her arms around her waist. 

A hand patted her shoulder awkwardly, Ivy’s bright eyes looking at her with something vaguely akin to horror as Harley squinted at her.

“H-he he kicked m-me ooooout!” She admitted in a pitiful wail, the dogs whining at her heels. Just saying the words hurt, a knife to her gut as she went through it all over again, “e-everything I did for him and…”

“There there,” sighing deeply Ivy cast her gaze around before slipping an arm around Harley’s shoulders, “let’s go somewhere we can talk, hmm? Get you cleaned up.”

“Th-th-thanks.”

Harley didn’t remember much about how they got up to the penthouse, everything blurred behind her misery as a noted eco terrorist and wanted murderer hushed her almost gently into the apartment.

“Don’t touch anything yet,” Ivy said, a sigh in her tone as Harley blinked up at the greenery that filled the room. Almost every inch of space taken up by planters and ferns, a mess of green and brown and bright splatters of colour. “Sit.” 

Ivy gestured to the kitchen counter and Harley complied without thinking. Keeping the dogs on a short leash as she perched on one of the stools.

“If you’re going to stay here you’ll need a little pick me up. I’m not called  _ Poison  _ Ivy for nothing you know.”

Harley tried to smile but couldn’t, her face wasn’t working properly any more. Too red and puffy and  _ tired.  _ The kind of bone weariness that sapped the will to live from her.

She watched Ivy instead, quiet as a mouse as the taller woman moved around the kitchen, mixing something up in the fancy science equipment she had sprawling over half the side. It reminded a little of Jonathan’s set up, another world class villain giving her a magic potion.

Why didn’t they just kill her and have done with it.

“Why’re you helping me, Ivy?” She heard herself ask as the silence dragged, dashing at her swollen eyes as Ivy turned back to look at her, “I didn’t think ya liked people much.”

“You did me a favour once, in Arkham. I haven’t forgotten.” Ivy sighed, distilling her faintly glowing concoction into a vial, green again. Like  _ his  _ hair. “And besides, I have a weakness for pathetic creatures.”

Harley didn’t contest the description,  _ couldn’t _ . She swayed on the kitchen stool as Ivy held the potion out to her, her fingers clammy around the little tube. She  _ was  _ pathetic. A brilliant psychiatric doctor who’d thrown her career, her identity, her  _ life  _ away for a man. 

She was exactly the kind of girl she’d always sneered at in college.

But even if she knew it, even if she told herself it, it didn’t stop her heart from  _ aching.  _ Even now the soles of her feet were throbbing with the urge to run from the apartment, to go back and hurl herself on his mercy, to beg him to forgive her. To take her back.

She was pathetic alright, pathetic with  _ love. _

“Stop looking at it and drink it,” Ivy’s voice snapped into her thoughts, firm as an oak as she nudged Harley’s shoulder, “it’ll taste disgusting but not only will stop you from dying suddenly but it will also give you a boost as well. You have to be at peak strength if you’re going to get your revenge.”

She said it so matter of factly it took Harley a second or two to process the words. Blinking stupidly as her head shot up.

“Revenge?”

“The best revenge anyone can ever get,” Ivy smiled then, a half tilt to her mouth that made her almost impossibly beautiful, “ _ success.  _ You're far too smart to be that clowns goon and now it’s time you prove it to yourself and _... _ to  _ Gotham _ .”

_ You’re a goon, Harley, a sidekick. _

His voice echoed through her, slicing into her softness and bleeding anger as she met warm green eyes. So different from his. 

“Yeah,” Harley nodded slowly, the numbness slowly breaking away at the edges as the thought stuck. She  _ was  _ more than someone’s goon, she always had been. No one would be able to take her seriously until she proved it.

To them, to herself, to  _ him. _

Not that that mattered,  _ he _ mattered _.  _ Ivy was right. This was about  _ her _ .

“You’re right,” holding up the vial in a toast Harley felt the old twitch of her smile return, “I’m nobody's sidekick! Cheers!”

She chugged the weird green liquid, shoulders back, chest puffed out, and immediately gagged and spluttered. It tasted  _ worse  _ than disgusting, like petrol and dead frogs. Ick ick ick!

She dropped the empty vial into Ivy’s outstretched hand, jaw working as it tingled through her. Zesty and rejuvenating, making her muscles feel all elasticate-y as she fidgeted on her stool.

“Where’d ya get this place anyway?” Harley asked, taking in her surroundings properly for the first time as her brain got used to the buzz. The penthouse was huge, elegant decor and expensive furnishings hidden behind a veritable jungle of shrubbery.

“The usual way,” Ivy sighed, already mixing up the next batch, “I got the owner into bed.”

Harley hitched an eyebrow and Ivy’s expression turned wicked, pointing an elegant finger towards the oversized planter by the door. The one with the bone-white well... bones sticking out of the soil.

“The  _ flower _ bed.”

Harley blinked twice then laughed. Surprise racing through her as the watery little sound grew, echoing up from the pit of her stomach as Ivy smiled at her.

“The  _ flower  _ bed _?”  _ She repeated between giggles, chest lighter than it had been all day as she shook her head, “that was the worst pun I’ve heard in weeks! Damn Red, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship!”

  
  
  



	2. Castle

“I’m thinking the Gotham natural history museum next weekend.” 

Ivy was tending to the jungle she’d grown in the living room. It had taken Harley a full ten minutes to find the TV hidden behind the ferns, dragging it out before dropping herself down on the sofa for breakfast.

“Sure,” she nodded, forcing a mouthful of cardboard tasting muesli down. She still had to eat, no matter how little she felt like it in the cold morning light.

_ Fake it til ya make it baby. _

Flicking on the news she sighed to herself, making a note to pick up some caffeine and fruit loops for Ivy’s bare cupboards. As nice as she was being Ivy had a terrible taste in food, and Harley would need something stronger than  _ muesli  _ if she was gonna stay awake.

It had been almost impossible to sleep last night, even in the comfort of Ivy’s stolen guest room. All of her happy thoughts and determination washed away in the silence. She’d been too cold, even with the dogs familiar weight at her side, and too  _ lonely _ . She missed the feeling of J’s chest pressed beneath her cheek, listening to the steady beat of his heart as she fell asleep.

Squeezing her fist around the spoon she took a deep breath, Ivy was right she was more than that. She was more than just  _ J _ , she always had been. She was smart and capable and fierce, a survivor, a  _ winner.  _

And…. wait, what did the reporter just say? Harley forced her attention back to the screen,

‘ _ Playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne is recovering from his injuries after an attack left many fearing he was dead’ _

She choked on her cereal, spoon falling from her hand as the news anchor described Bruce’s shocking survival.

“Hesh sh’life!” She exclaimed, spluttering milk and muesli and making Ivy wince.

“I’m sorry what was that?” One perfectly groomed eyebrow was raised at her as Harley gestured wildly at the screen. Swallowing hard around her cereal. 

“He’s still alive!” The quick rush of adrenaline made her giddy, he was alive! Mistah J would be  _ so _ happy, she hadn’t ruined it for him, “I didn’t kill him after all!”

Relief almost knocked her out of her seat, lighter than air as she imagined J’s beaming smile as he welcomed her back with open arms. The image cracking into a million pieces as his face turned angry in front of her eyes. Hate filled. Like how he’d looked at her when he’d thrown her out.

_ You’re a punchline. _

“That was  _ you?” _

The words caught her off guard, Ivy’s interest forcing her to focus again. To shove back the pain and remember herself.

“Uhm yeah,” she nodded shakily, “although I felt kinda bad about it to be honest. He’s not such a bad guy.”

She had, hadn’t she? She rather  _ liked _ Bruce Wayne. He’d been nice to her before she’d broken bad, helped her out when she had a bad day. Listened to her, actually  _ listened  _ to her, at the fundraiser before things went sideways.

He was one of the good guys.

Of course that hadn’t stopped her when she thought bumping him off would make J happy. She’d do just about anything for him after all.

At least… She would’ve done.

“Why?” Ivy asked and just like that the tears were back. Pressing hard against the backs of her eyes as she blinked.

 

“I thought it might make Mistah J laugh, he’d been down and I figured… but well, yeah, I guess he didn’t see the funny side.”

Her chest  _ ached _ .

Ivy clapped her hands together sharply, dragging Harley from her downward spiral with a jerk.

“It was well executed, I’ll say that,” Ivy took the half-empty bowl from her hand and pulled her to her feet, “taking out the head of such an anti-ecological company would have been huge, you got much closer than most people have.”

She looked almost… impressed.

“Ya think?” Harley asked, blinking stupidly as she was pulled behind Ivy into the kitchen.

“I do, now the night is young and so are we. Let’s go out, maybe pick you up something shiny and destructive for our heist next week.”

“I don’t have any money.” She said absolutely redundantly, criminals didn’t get overdrafts after all.

“Where we're going,” Ivy’s lips pursed in a tight smile, “we won’t need it.”

 

—-

 

Bruce Wayne was alive.

Wonderful. Marvellous. Now where was that Harley Girl, he had to tell her the good news. Tell her all was forgiven.

Sure he’d gotten a bit dramatic in their fight but that was part of his charm wasn’t it? Besides what couple  _ didn’t  _ fight. It just gave them something to make up over later!

Oh yeah, he could go for some making up right now, his good mood leaving him practically skipping as he headed into the common area.

He hadn’t noticed her absence at first, too angry. But now,  well it was just a bit  _ weird  _ to be honest. All that room in bed, the untouched makeup still sitting on her side of the sink. Hell, he hadn’t tripped over a dog in  _ ages.  _ She was probably just sulking in her old room, or up on the second floor with that goon friend of hers.

Women, huh?

“Harley?” He called as he bounded from one room to another, “come out come out wherever you are!”

She didn’t reply. Stubborn wench, that was his Harley girl alright.

“Come on doll!” He cupped his hands around his mouth  “ Harls get down here!”

A goon walked out of the back,  _ perfect _ . They’d know.

“Hey you uh…” names names he never had time for names, especially not for the new guys, “Short Change, where’s Harley?”

“I… you… she-“ oh God a stutterer, J tapped his foot impatiently as the idiot worked his mouth round a series of incomprehensible vowels. His good mood fading by the second.

“ _ Well _ ?”

“She went out boss,” The guy mumbled, eyes fixed on his shoes.

“When is she gonna be back?” He felt his eye twitching, the familiar prickle of darkness working its way beneath his skin as he waited.

“Well you kinda…”

“ _I_ _kinda what?”_

“You… you kicked her out,” Short Change looked up at last with watery brown eyes, all squint small and cowardly. Like a rabbit. “I don’t think she’s coming back.”

He didn’t register the knife in his hand until he felt it pop through the henchman’s fleshy stomach, sliding up and up as he stabbed into him. The strangled gurgle soothed over his suddenly red-raw nerves, a pleasant little death jingle.

“Wrong answer.” He spat, pulling the blade out with a satisfying  _ pop  _ and wiping it on his trousers as he turned away.

Of course she was coming back. She had to.

It wasn’t that he  _ needed  _ her of course. Jeez  _ that’d _ be ridiculous! It was just he’d gotten  _ used  _ to her, that was all. Like an old pair of perfectly worn slippers, or a particularly well balanced knife.

She made things easier, with Harley running interference with the henches he had to kill less of them which meant his plans went smoother. And she always ensured the fridge was stocked with something other than just red bull and leftovers too. She knew which weapons he liked, and where he’d left that  _ thing _ he needed, she got his jokes and kept him warm at night…

No. He didn’t need her. But that didn’t mean he’d just let her walk off again.

His hands clenched, teeth biting together as the dull twinge between his third and forth ribs became a stabbing pain. She didn’t get to leave him, not now, not ever. She was his damnit.

Two jokers in a deck.

Two wild cards.

Him and her, like it was meant to be. 

Now he just had to figure out how the hell he was going to find her and drag her back. His gaze caught on the half open door the goon had come out of, a thousand useless Bruce Wayne balloons waiting inside.

The idea itched at him, a little redecorating, a little redistribution and he could let her know he was still thinking all about her. One look at them and she’d come running surely?

Now all he needed was a good mug shot of her and a hell of a lot of sticky paper.

 

—-

 

Ivy wasn’t kidding about not needing money, no sooner had they stepped into the club then every eye turned to them. Most of the boys and a few of the girls almost lining up to buy them a drink, none of them seeming to care that they were two of the city’s most wanted women.

On the contrary, it actually seemed to  _ fuel _ their popularity.

Harley basked in the attention, her bruised ego blossoming beneath the stares as she threaded her arm through Ivy’s. Glad she’d forced herself to take the extra time to dig a nice dress out of her stolen closet and put her face on with someone else’s makeup.

“Welcome to the Sirens,” Ivy murmured to her, waving the crowd out of their way like a queen as she led them towards the bar, “come on, you’ll like this.”

It was beautiful, as understated as Ozzy’s Iceberg Lounge had been ostentatious. All red velvet walls and effortlessly stylish Art Deco fittings. A roaring twenties wet dream. 

The music was softer here, a tantalizing undercurrent to the sounds of glasses clinking and laughter.

J had never taken her anywhere like this before. Strange since it obviously had no problem catering to the criminal element. The  _ beautiful  _ criminal element.

“Well if it isn’t green fingers, lowering yourself to mingle with us poor meat sacks today are you?” A woman at the bar stepped into their path. She was stunning. Ageless in her perfectly tailored black suit, platinum hair cut in a severe bob that only made her blue eyes shine brighter. “Selena isn’t in today if that’s who you’re looking for, buttercup.”

Harley decided then and there she wanted to be her when she grew up. 

“I came to see you actually, Barbara.” Ivy didn’t skip a beat, cool as a cucumber as she leant against the bar.

Barbara raised an eyebrow, smile widening, “Lucky me.”

“My friend here needs a little extra firepower,” Ivy swept a hand towards her, dispensing with the small talk entirely, “and I knew you were the woman to talk to.”

Suddenly those sharp blue eyes were on her, reading her up and down so swiftly it left Harley dizzy.

“I recognise you,” Barbara’s eyes narrowed in delight, the perfect blend of curiosity and mockery as she pointed a finger at her, “you’re the clown’s girl, aren’t you? I gotta say, I never thought  _ Jerome _ would end up with such a looker.” 

She said it with such frankness it took Harley half a minute to realise what she’d said at all. Barbara knew J, she knew him  _ before,  _ obviously not scared of invoking the past as she eyed Harley up like a fish on a platter.

She wasn’t sure if she was more angry or impressed. Caught somewhere between wanting to slap her for her dismissal of J and wanting to ask her to adopt her.

She did neither.

“Harley Quinn,” she flashed her teeth in a smile, sticking out her hand, “pleased ta meetcha, Babs.”

Barbara’s grip was firm, her needle sharp expression melting into a smile as she shook twice and released her.

“Oh I like this one,” she grinned, “Come on then ladies, I suppose you know what I want in exchange?”

Harley didn’t have a single clue but Ivy was already sighing theatrically.

“One seedling of the new strain,” she said, “that’s all you’re getting.”

“Three full plants,” Barbara shot back as she led them into a discrete side room away from the crowd.

“ _ Two,  _ and if find out you’ve mistreated them in  _ any _ way-“

“Yeah yeah you’ll mulch me, I got the memo.” The older woman waved Ivy’s concern away as she crossed to the desk, pausing suddenly to look back at Harley who’d been trailing after them, “Sorry but I’m  _ dying _ to ask, what’s the sex like?” 

“Barbara!” Ivy winced, voice turning sharp in disbelief.

Harley just sighed, skin flushing with the memory of heat and laughter and  _ him. _

“Incredible,” she admitted, eyes turning misty as the images swam behind her eyes, the bruise he’d sucked into her shoulder still aching sweetly even now, “the things that man can do with a can of whipped cream and a rubber chicken, lemme tell you-” 

“Please don’t.” Ivy cut her off, rubbing at her temples, “can we just get on with this.”

“Spoil sport,” Barbara pouted but let it go, pressing a secret mechanism on the wall, the room shifted, shelves of weapons appearing from behind a dozen hidden panels, “now what’s your poison, Clown Girl?”

Oh, oh Ivy was right. Mama liked. Mama liked  _ a lot. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one comment can help spare a henchmans life, comment today - our operators are standing by!
> 
> (Aka I’m so sorry for all the fic delays, reality is very very real atm and wayyy too busy! Thanks to every and any one sticking with me though! :-P)


	3. Hold Me Down

 

She was seventeen again. Standing in Gotham high’s shitty grey cafeteria with her back against the wall and her arms wrapped tight around her waist. Around the ugliest purple sweater she’d ever owned.

Students crowded around her making it hard to breathe, Kara, Danny, Melissa, no wait… Melissa was dead wasn’t she? They were all…

“ _ Stop screeeeaming!” _

That voice, she knew that voice! Heart catching she pushed through the crowd, the faces forgotten as she stumbled out into the centre of the room.

Into him.

“Mistah J!” 

Relief washed through her, steps lightening as she ran to him. He looked different, the changes making her squint even as she threw her arms around his neck. Inhaling cheap soap and chemicals and  _ home. _

Suddenly it didn’t matter that his hair was red instead of green, his skin peachy instead of paper white. It was him and that’s all that mattered.

“Err-“ he plucked at her shoulders awkwardly, dragging her away from him with a disgruntled look, “do I  _ know _ you?” 

“It’s me, Mistah J?” Why didn’t he recognise her? It was a joke right, one of his funny terrifying jokes. They’d all be laughing soon,  _ soon _ , any moment now. “It’s Harley?”

“ _ Harle-en _ ?” He repeated, squinting at her like she was an optical illusion he couldn’t quite figure out. Like if he tilted his head  _ just _ the right way maybe he’d see a bear on a bicycle in her features. “That’s a  _ stupid _ name.”

“No! Not Harleen, Harley!” She wasn’t Harleen, not any more. She wasn’t seventeen and scared. She was… she was...  _ his _ . “Harley Quinn… your Harley Girl.”

“Harley… Harley…” all at once his face lit up, eyes glowing bright as Christmas lights as he swung her up in his arms, “ _ Harley girl!  _ I’ve been looking all over for you! Where have you - wait,” he pulled back, face creasing into a frown “what are you  _ wearing?” _

“Eesh I forgot,” drawing back she wiggled out of the ugly purple sweater, hurling it behind her. “Better?”

“Much!” He was grinning again, she’d forgotten how much she missed his smile. Her whole body lightening like someone had filled her lungs with helium instead of air, “come on then, we can find you a proper uniform back home.”

“A uniform?”

“Yeah, like the rest of them!” He jerked his head at the henchmen behind him. They were all wearing the same thing. Suits, like fancy butlers, and clown masks.

“Oh I…” she dropped his hand, stomach squeezing as she looked down at the mask he was suddenly holding out to her. The same as the others, one of many.

“What is it? What’s the problem?” He was in her face, concern and frustration in his beautiful blue green eyes as he pinched her cheeks, scars pulled down by his frown, “don’t you  _ want _ to come home?”

Her ribs ached so hard she thought they might have snapped, a painful throbbing longing as she reached hesitantly for his offering. She  _ wanted _ to go home, more than anything.

Didn’t she?

Danny tapped on her shoulder making her insides lurch as she turned around to face him. He was holding her discarded sweater out to her. The vile purple mohair blackening, soaking through with the blood pouring from the stump where his hand should have been. Red dripping and dripping.

“Well?” Jerome asked behind her.

“Well?” Danny echoed with dull, dead eyes.

“Harley? Harley?”

“ _ HARLEY!”  _

She woke up with a start, lurching up in her stolen bed with a grunt as she struggled to figure out who, what and where she was. 

“God woman, you sleep like the dead.” Ivy was rolling her eyes from the side of the bed, moving to pull open the curtains

“Sorry I was…” she winced, covering her eyes as bright yellow light flooded the room, setting her head pounding, “dreaming I guess.”

It felt so  _ real,  _ she could still see his face behind her eyelids, smell his skin, feel his hands. 

She could still see the bloody sweater in Danny’s outstretched arms. 

She hadn’t thought about that day in forever.

“Mhm,” Ivy made a vague noise of interest as she opened up the room’s spacious closet, “I was thinking we should case the museum this afternoon. See what the security is like before our big break in, which means civilian wear.”

She rifled through the stolen clothing as Harley watched, unable to quite bring herself to move as the dream weighed her down. Suddenly terrified of what it was Ivy would emerge with for her.

A suit jacket and a clown mask?

That fucking sweater?

“Here!” She drew back and Harley’s heart leaped up into her throat, choking off her air supply as Ivy held the garment up, “do you think anyone will recognise me in this?”

It was a pale peach power suit with eighties-inspired shoulder pads and big pearl buttons.

Harley let out a small wheeze of laughter, relief sweeping through her like the ocean through a shell. Kicking her way free of the covers she shook her head, “not a chance, Red! It’s perfect.”

“Good,” beaming, Ivy carried her selection to the door, “hurry up and get ready, we want to be there well before closing to avoid suspicion.”

“Sure thing,” Harley waved her away, waiting until the door had clicked shut before she stepped up to the closet and flicked through the wild array of hangers for something suitable.

This time it would be  _ her _ choice.

After tearing through Mrs Mulch’s wardrobe without much luck Harley snagged a pair of mom jeans and switched over to Mr Mulch’s instead, adding an oversized Gotham Goliath’s jersey and cap to the mix before powdering the shit out of her face to hide her scar. She tugged the brim of the cap down over her sunglasses as they wandered out into the open air. 

They hadn’t made it three steps into the park before Harley noticed them, the balloons were  _ everywhere _ .

“Disgusting,” Ivy sniffed, lowering her own sunglasses to glare at the happily bobbing spheres, “they don’t even care how much damage they’ll do to the environment discarding them like this.”

“Yeah jeez,” Harley let out a low whistle, “I mean there’s just so many balloons, just under a hundred I’d say. Yup, for sure. Almost one hundred red balloons.” 

She waited for the laugh and sighed as the moment passed, Ivy was a sweetie but she didn’t always get her punchlines. She tried not to compare her reactions to Mistah J’s. He’d be cackling up a storm right now, elbowing her in the ribs as he laughed and laughed. She wondered what he was up too…

Shaking her head to loosen the thought she let her gaze drift back to the balloons again, hoping for distraction as she took in the dozens upon dozens of cherry red baubles. Each tied to a lamp post or tree, or weighted down with a plastic star. There was someone’s face printed on them.

“How romantic,” she couldn’t stop herself from sighing again, “I bet it’s a marriage proposal, or promposal or something.”

Ivy’s nose crinkled, “What in the world is a ‘ _ promposal _ ?’”

“Y’know, when you ask someone to go to prom with you but like… fancier.”

“How ridiculous.”

“I guess,” she kicked a pebble out of her way, “back in my day if a guy wanted to take you to the prom he just showed up at your door with a couple of gun-toting henchmen and all your friends hogtied in the back of his limo.”

Ivy blinked at her, “did that actually happen or…?”

“Of course,” she grinned, “it was kinda my first date with Mistah J. I wonder if he misses me…”

“Unlikely. Although this explains so much about you… what-” Ivy’s attention flickered back up to the balloons, her mouth parting before thinning as she turned her head sharply away, “anyway-”

“What is it Red? Oh…” Harley pulled back when Ivy tried to drag her forward, one of the balloons was closer that the rest. Bobbing at chest height where she could see the face stuck to the balloon clearly. “ _ Oh!” _

It was her.

_ Her.  _

A black and white reprint of her face, taken from one of the Polaroid’s Laney had snapped during their great duck heist. The one Harley kept framed on her bedside table alongside their prom picture.

Around her head someone had scribbled the words:  _ Have you seen my girl? She’s such a gas! _

“Ooooh!” She squealed, fingers shaking as she untied the balloon from its moorings and hugged it to her, her heart floating right along with it. “See Red?” She beamed, breathless with elation as she dragged her fingers over the static-y surface, “he  _ does  _ miss me! He’s thinking about me even now…”

How perfect. How  _ perfectly _ perfect. A romantic gesture for the ages, a great big middle finger to anyone who'd ever told her he didn’t, wouldn’t,  _ couldn’t _ love her. 

She stopped herself on the verge of breaking into a run then and there, silently slapping some sense into herself.

_ Think Harley, _ she scolded herself,  _ you can’t go back looking like this! _

Oh no no no, that would never do. She’d have to go back to Ivy’s and change into something more appropriate. Pick up the babies and then…Ivy intruded on her thoughts, clearing her throat loudly as she picked at the edge of the sticker. She peeled back the vinyl to reveal another face underneath.

_ Not _ hers.

“Hmm yeah,” Ivy snorted derisively as she tugged the balloon away from Harley, holding it up to her so she could see it more clearly.  _ Bruce Wayne.  _ They were Bruce Balloons.  _ Bruceloons _ . “You were clearly his  _ first  _ thought.”

Her heart stuttered, ribs clenching tight around her insides as she stared at the boyishly handsome face. Her shoulders dropped, smile fading. She hadn’t been his first thought at all.

Would she ever be?

Ivy snorted at her, raising one sharply nailed finger to burst Harley’s bubble, literally. Harley reacted without thinking, shoving Ivy back as hard as she could with a strangled yelp. 

“What the hell?” Ivy scowled up from where she'd fallen, betrayal sparking in her emerald eyes as Harley batted the balloon out of reach. The shiny red thing bouncing innocently away on its string down the path.

“You do  _ not _ wanna do that,” she said over her shoulder, keeping herself between them as she pulled a knife from her waistband and aimed it at the balloon, waiting until it was safely out of reach, “if I know Mistah J…”

_ Pop. _

The balloon burst with a sound like a car backfiring, the knife clattering to the ground as noxious purple gas exploded into a cloud where it had been. 

Joker Toxin.

Her stomach twisted at the familiar haze, remembering how much  _ fun  _ they’d had together with it. That was her puddin’ alright, he always did love a laugh. Even the smell of it wafting towards her as she went to retrieve her knife made her unbearably nostalgic.

“I’m immune,” Ivy grumbled behind her, straightening herself out as Harley turned and pocketed her blade again. Then something in her face softened, “thanks though. It was… a nice gesture.”

“Well,” Harley shrugged, feeling unaccountably small and lost now the truth had been revealed again. Mistah J had let her down again. “We’re friends now aren’t we? That’s what friends do...”

Ivy had said it herself back in the club, hadn’t she?

 _My_ _friend._

How long had it been since Harley had had a friend?

A  _ real  _ friend.

She realised then exactly how much she missed it. Having someone like that. And how much she wanted Ivy to be that person. She’d managed to find a burner to text Laney from but even that felt… different. She cared for all of the henchies sure but when it came down to it they were devotees, fanatics, they could never quite be on an even keel. And now that Mistah J had pushed her away...

“Sure,” Ivy smiled, looking more than a little awkward as she patted Harley’s shoulder, “we’re… friends. Now cheer up, we have a museum to case.”

Harley gave a watery sniff, linking her arm through Ivy’s with a determined smile, “damn right we do!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaknow what they say folks! A comment a day keeps the Arkham doctors away ;-)


	4. Haunting

 

J was just calling his weekend bonanza brainstorming session to order when the henchwoman on his left’s phone beeped. 

His eye twitched.

“What have I said about phones at the dinner table?” He drew the words out in mocking disappointment as he eyed her up.

Thin Lizzy, Laney, whatever her name was. She’d lasted a while he thought, one of _Harley’s_ little favourites. That’s why they were there. Harley Harley Harley. She was all he could think about, a brain tumour waiting to burst as he paced at the head of the table.

Had she seen the balloons yet? Where was she?

“Sorry boss,” the henchie bowed her head contritely, fingers white around her cricket phone as she tried to slide it discreetly off the table.

His gaze sharpened, frustration turning to petty anger in his bones. Well most of his anger was petty anyway but that was beside the point. 

“Hand it over.” He held out his hand, watching her eyes grow three sizes in a split second.

“ _ Boss-“ _

Oooh she’d never questioned him before. Favourite or not she was three seconds away from a bullet.

He flexed his fingers, pinning her with a look until she handed it over. Her throat working as she swallowed hard.

“Let’s share with the class, shall we?” He mocked her, flipping it open as he contemplated the most satisfying punishment for interrupting him. Maybe he should make her eat it. “ _ All good, boys are fine, how’s things with Mr J… _ ” 

He read it without thinking and then stopped all at once. There was only one person alive who called him that.

The plastic phone casing creaked in his hand, knuckles turning even whiter than usual as he stared at the screen.  _ Harley.  _ He was dialling before he’d even registered what he was doing.

“Scram! All of you,  _ now _ .” Adrenaline burst against his tongue as they all rushed to comply, heart in his throat as the phone buzzed and buzzed.

“Laney, whats up-”

_ Her. _

A thrill went through him, hot wiring straight from his ears and down his spine as her familiar voice crackled down the line.

Forget feeding the phone to Thin Lizzy, he’d give her a raise! Not that he paid them of course.

“ _ Harrrrrley,”  _

Was it ridiculous that he missed saying her name? All those harsh r’s and sweet e’s. It echoed in the silence, the only sound but his heartbeat for a fistful of seconds and then…

“ _ M _ - _ Mistah J?”  _ Oh there it was, the sweet stuttering  _ excitement  _ he loved so much. Her bright tone bursting behind his eyelids as he heard her scrambling in the background, “is that really you? _ ” _

Yes yes yes! He exhaled the tension from his lungs, shaking himself out as he paced the now empty room. She missed him, he could hear it in her voice. He knew her better than anyone.  _ Anyone _ .

If he played his cards right she’d be back by dinner time.

“Who else kiddo?” He drawled sweetly, “I had to check in on my  _ best  _ girl, I was worried about you!”

“You were?” Her voice lilted upwards, surprise ripe in each little word. Perfection.

“Of course!” He grinned, she’d taken the bait, now just to reel her in, “you're not still  _ mad  _ at me are you?”

“I-“ he could hear the hesitance in her voice, the  _ longing,  _ that huffing sound she always made before she admitted something she didn’t want to to him.

Before she gave in.

Exhilaration pounded in his veins, smug satisfaction pulling at his smile as he played his ace, “you got my gift didn’t you honey bee?”

“T-the balloons?”

“Of course dumpling, I had them made specially for you!” He’d get them something special to celebrate her return too. A cake maybe. One of those big chocolate ones with all the stupid frosting she liked. Hell he’d jump out of it and surprise her wearing nothing but icing and smile! 

“Oh did you now?” He froze at the sudden icy coldness in her voice, balls disappearing up into his body, “that’s why they had  _ Bruce Wayne  _ all over them then?”

Whoops. She had him there. 

He tugged at his collar awkwardly, “Baby girl- listen-“

There was a voice in the background, angry and female, a muffled conversation taking place without him. Anger traced a path along his spine, frustration gritting his teeth as he heard snatches of the stranger’s voice.

_ “Harley! Put down the - I know - no -“ _

“ _ Just a sec _ -“ Another static burst and Harley was back on the line, voice pitched somewhere exactly between longing and stubborn “Sorry, I have to go… it… it was good t’hear from you though, Mistah J. I…I’m real glad your okay.”

“Harley wai-“

The line had already gone dead, the last sound that other woman shouting ‘ _ enough’  _ as she got all up in  _ their  _ business. He hit redial and got a screechy dead end sound.

His teeth ground together, stomach twisting with rage as he hurled the phone at the wall just to watch it break. The  _ stranger  _ had cut off his one direct link to her, that was a death sentence if ever he’d seen it. No one got between him and his girl.

He just had to find out who the bitch was first.

 

**—-**

 

Ivy had thrown the phone straight out of the window, dragging Harley back by the waist when she almost dived out after it.

“That was my one link to him, Red!” Harley whined, tears stabbing into the backs of her eyes as she stared angrily at Ivy.

“Let it go, Harley,” Ivy said, half mad half soothing as she wrestled Harley back into her seat, “we have a job to do tonight and I need you focused. Forget about the clown.”

_ I need you. _

The words calmed her stuttering heart, pulling guiltily at her as she found herself torn between her new friend and her old love. Ivy was right, logically she knew that, but something about hearing his voice again… hearing that he missed her…

She sighed, the sound dragging itself up all the way from her toes. 

“He misses me.”

“You’re better than this,” Ivy’s hands were warm on her shoulders, squeezing tightly and anchoring her in the moment, “you shouldn’t be chasing him.”

“You… you’re right…” The thought clicked into place, a tape deck in a boom box that suddenly started playing her favourite song. She was  _ right.  _ It was up to him now he said he missed her after all, now it was time to prove it. “If he wants me back he has to earn it!” She beamed, “and I’m sure he can do better than those Bruce-loons.”

“Not entirely what I meant,” Ivy muttered then shrugged, dropping her hold on Harley and gesturing to the back room, “but sure. Now go and get ready Harls, we have plans tonight remember!”

“Sure do Red, we gotta date with destiny!”

It would be front page stuff,  _ sure  _ to catch his attention. To remind him what he was missing.

Not that that was the point of course, no, the point was… it was gonna be  _ fun.  _

 

**—-**

 

Harley’s face did funny things to him. A furry little worm of feeling that jiggled about in his rib cage as he traced his fingers across her smiling photo. One begging to be drowned in tequila.

She was caught mid-laugh, running out the front of the Gotham Natural History Museum like someone had lit her ass on fire, arms full of swag as she looked over at…

The paper crumpled in his fist.  _ Her.  _ The cock block. Poison  _ Fucking _ Ivy. Her head tilted back in a smirking expression as she hurried his girl down the stairs.

He shoulda known, the clue was in her name right? She was  _ poisonous.  _ Turning his precious Harley girl against him, dragging her into her schemes.

It should be  _ him  _ next to her.  _ Him  _ she was laughing at.  _ Him.  _

Not this ginger freak - no,  _ he _ was her ginger freak damnit! Not that he’d been ginger in a good few years but fuck it still counted, it was a birthright not a hair colour and and and…

He needed her back.

No two ways about it.

And he needed Ivy  _ gone. _

This called for an outing. But where? Ozzy was his usual call when a fellow criminal needed finding but there was no love lost between the limping bird boy and motherfucker nature. No, she didn’t  _ mix  _ with the rest of them, not often anyway, and when she did it was with…

That was it! The Sirens!

Why hadn’t he thought of it earlier? If anyone knew where the bitchwood tree was growing  it would be that basket of barmy broads. Now he just had to change out of his undercrackers and find her.

“ _ Baaaarbrah _ .” He sang out two hours later when he finally made his way down to her neck of the woods, suitably attired in a rich purple suit. Harley had helped pick it out last time they were at the Rosenbergs, said the colour brought out his eyes. Whatever that meant.

“You’re not welcome here, clown.”

And  _ there _ was the gun.

He sighed as the safety clicked free, Bab’s pet tiger aiming her assault rifle right between his well brought out peepers. Jeez why did people always greet him like that? 

“Easy Tabby,” Babs waved her down with a knowing smirk, “I want to know what we’ve done to be graced by his presence. You don’t come to this side of town often, _Jerome._ Unless you’re looking for something of course, or maybe... _someone_?”

She dragged a finger across the bar top, innocence incarnate even as his insides shifted and shook. Vicious glee that she had information after all, vicious viciousness that she dared try to use it against him.

He didn’t let it show, smiling with his teeth as he sauntered up to the bar. Supremely disinterested as he leant his elbows against it.

“Well I don’t know about that,” He said like he was remarking on the weather, “why… see anyone interesting recently?”

The question hung, a razor blade in an apple as he watched her with eagle sharp eyes. Noting every breath, every twitch, already calculating exactly how best to neutralise the tigress and get his answers.

With a knife if necessary.

“I might have done,” Bab’s was still smirking as she slid a fruity pink cocktail in front of him, making a show of considering it, “now that I think about it there was an  _ interesting  _ young lady in here the other day.  _ Ivy’s _ new gal pal, right Tabs? She was staying with her if I remember rightly…”

He clenched his hand so tight he almost shattered the stem of the glass, rage coiling in him at the name as he glared at her outright.

“Where is the poisonous plant witch?”

She didn’t even blink, plonking a garish umbrella in his drink with a serene smile as she shrugged.

“Hmm I don’t know for sure…” her eyes flashed, wicked madness as she lowered her voice. “Tell me why you want to know and I might just remember something.”

He bit back a growl, fighting the urge to drive the glass into her face as rage gurgled up inside of him like lava.

“She’s taken something that belongs to me and I want it back.”

“Really? Harley didn’t mention anything about it…”

She had  _ seen _ Harley.  _ Spoken  _ to Harley. He leapt up so fast Tabby barely had time to get the gun on him as he wrapped his hands around Barbara’s neck.

“ _ Where is she?” _

Barbara sighed, reaching up delicately and placing her hands over his. 

“So you  _ do _ miss her.” She plucked his fingers from her neck one by one, straightening her collar with a chastising look as he drew back. Nervous energy gnawed at his insides, “Fine. I don’t know where Ivy’s staying _ but,  _ there’s a gala for the mayor’s less than eco-friendly ‘Make Gotham Green Again’ campaign this weekend. I doubt she’d miss it, and who knows, she might even bring her new  _ friend  _ along as her date…”

He necked the drink, fruity alcohol bursting against his tongue as he twirled the mini umbrella in his fingers. He’d drive it through the plant woman’s  _ eye,  _ burn the place to the ground then take Harley dancing. Yes. That was a  _ wonderful _ plan!

“Thanks Babs,” he saluted her with the empty glass before sliding it back and turning away. “Put it on my tab.”

“Think nothing of it,” she smiled at him, seemingly genuinely pleased as she waved him out, “although you might want to try something a little more romantic than threatening your girl if you want her back!”

He could be romantic! Hell he was the  _ king  _ of romance, the new age Casanova with a knife! If Harley wanted wooing he would woo the wheels off her.

“Why did you tell him?” He heard the tiger hiss as he walked away.

“You know me kitten,” Barbara sighed, “I just  _ love _ love.”

Didn’t they all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so late! Real life and Christmas and all that jazz - still I really hope you enjoy it and Happy New Gotham Day! (On that note I really got get this finished before the series ends XD)


	5. Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so much later than I meant to post! I’m so sorry guys - I promise I won’t wait so long for the last chapter! <3

 

 

J had been out again, it was all over the news. First the chaos of the toxin-filled balloons, now this not a week later, grainy footage of smiling corpses overlaid with a simpering reporter. Harley bit her lip, trying not to spiral again as she sorted through her prizes from the heist.

She had to admit it, it had been fun. _Really_ fun. Ivy and her breaking in, kicking ass and taking names like they’d been doing it for years. A proper girls night out, and one with a hell of a goody bag! Ivy had satisfied herself with some rare plant samples  that were apparently important for her current research but Harley, well, the diamond exhibit was the one calling her name!

Setting aside the box of sparklies, she picked up her _piece de resistance_ instead. The Smiling Sapphire. A whacking great piece of pure sapphire that had naturally formed into the rough impression of a face. Two eyes, a nose, a big old grin.

J would love it.

J…

She put it aside, unable to keep from sighing as she focused her full attention on the screen at last, the camera panning lovingly over his devastation. The bodies were lined up, ID’s duct-taped to their chests and a big red ribbon stringing their necks together. Like a gift bow.

“Police haven’t officially named all of the victims, but we know that all those identified so far share a common link in their names, Roger Harley, Jennifer and Marco Harleigh, James Herley, and Rebecca Harlae-Woods. With over a dozen bodies found, the GCPD is expected to release more names in the coming hours, we can only speculate they all-”

Harley didn’t hear the rest, her mouth falling open like a fish outta water as she took it all in. Harley Harleigh Herly Harlae. _Her._ Her heart squeezed hard enough to hurt as she quickly muted the TV, pressing her other hand to her mouth to cover a gasp.

“What is it?” Ivy looked over from her pruning and Harley couldn’t hold it in anymore, a giggle bubbling up and spilling from her lips. Then another and another until she was laughing like a maniac.

“It’s for me,” she squealed, “J is doing this for me.” Her eyes fogged with happy tears even as she looked at the sick horror he had wrought. It was bloody and disgusting sure, but it was all for _her._

“Why do you think that?” Ivy rolled her eyes, she always did when J was mentioned. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t understand him. Not like Harley did.

“He’s killing off all the other Harley’s,” she thrust her hand at the screen, trying to restrain her excitement even as it set her dancing in her seat. Half sick with excitement. “See? It’s a message! He’s saying I’m the only one that matters, the _only_ one for him.”

She’d wanted him to prove his devotion and he had. The smile made her face ache, eyes scrunched up tight as she imagined him planning it out. A love letter all for her, written in blood.

Like Romeo and Juliet, only it was everyone else who ended up dead.

“I guarantee you-“ Ivy clicked off the TV with a pointed look, bringing her buzz down with a thump, “whatever that _lunatic_ is up to it’s _not_ good. He’s probably just working his way up to offing you too.”

No. No way would he kill her… _Would he?_

She blinked, heart thumping unsteadily as she looked at the blank screen. He got mad when he didn’t get his way sure but this… this wasn’t a _threat._ It was a promise. A promise that if she came back she’d be the only one for him.

Right?

Maybe she should call him again, find a phone somewhere and...

“ _Harley!”_ Fingers snapped in front of her face, Ivy’s voice slicing through the haze as she filled up her vision, “you’re not going to be spacing out on me tomorrow are you?”

“Huh?”

“Tomorrow?” Ivy’s face creased, worry painting a line between her brows as she tilted her head at Harley. “The party? You promised to be my plus one. You know what it means to me...”

Guilt thrummed through her, she’d forgotten all about it in the moment. He had that effect on her, filling up her head until he was all she could think about. As vital as breathing.

“I’ll be fine, Red.” She lied with a grin, hopping up from her seat and stretching her legs out, “you know how much I love a good party!”

Ivy smiled, the corner of her eyes crinkling just so, “Atta girl.”

Her thoughts could wait, _J_ could wait. For a day anyway. She’d made a promise and Harley kept her promises.

Especially to a friend.

 

—-  

 

It was insane.

J couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Every thought, every _dream_ filled with her stupid beautiful face as the days crawled by. The stubborn wench had fitted herself into his life like a puzzle piece and now she was gone… well he didn’t like it. Not at all.

But that was soon to be over.

It was finally the day, _the_ day _,_ time to get her back and end this silly fight for good.

_Make Gotham Green Again._

Oh he’d paint it green alright, green and purple and red and black. He’d give Gotham a party they’d never forget, _Harley_ a party she’d never forget. Then they could go back to the way things were.

The way things were _supposed_ to be.

Him at the top of the food chain, playing with Gotham like cat with a mouse. And Harley, his murderous little kitten, back at his side where she belonged.

He ran his hands through his hair with a grim smile, but first a change was called for. Something spanky to make a good impression on the little lady.

“Winton, fetch my best suit,” he shouted at the nearest henchman, dropping the paper he’d been staring blankly at and leaping to his feet. “We’re going out.”

And if the fates were kind he wouldn’t be coming home alone this time.

Or _ever_ again.

 

—-

 

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love this dress Red!” Harley couldn’t help but preen as they slipped unnoticed into the gala, just two more of the young, bright and beautiful, “so classy.”

It was a red so pale it was almost pink, the silk slipping from her shoulders in a wave of fabric, a diamond cut out in the back and an actual huge great diamond around her neck.

Stolen of course from their museum heists but that just made it better!

J would have loved it, he was a tactile fella, she could practically feel his calloused hands rubbing over the silk. The pinch at her throat as he pulled her necklace tight, cold metal and warm skin as he dragged her close, his eyes burning into her soul as he… as he…

She shivered as Ivy patted her shoulder.

“You look beautiful dear,” Ivy smiled, eyes already darting around the crowd as they swished their way across the floor. Oblivious to her struggle.

“So what’re we doing here anyway,” Harley asked, overly bright as she tried to ignore the hollow space in the pit of her stomach. The way the scar on her arm twinged at the thought of him, _his_ scar, “you _want_ a greener Gotham or whatever don’tcha?”

“I do Harley, I do,” her gaze caught on a gaggle of businessmen, Harley’s attention following at the dark look that crossed Ivy’s face, “but these men do not. They use the slogan to get re-elected whilst they sign off on companies dumping chemical waste into our rivers and empty lots when they think no one is looking. Well _I_ am looking.”

“Oh,” she gasped, perversely glad to have something else to focus on as she set her gaze, “those hypocrites! Want me to whack em for you?”

Her hand itched, one of the guns she’d picked up from Barbara’s place sitting snugly in its holster against her thigh. A couple of bullets and it’d all be water, or toxic waste apparently, under the bridge.

She wanted to do it. Wanted to act out, shoot them up, anything to exorcise the itching beneath her skin. She suddenly wanted the night over, wanted to go _home,_ wherever that was.

The people, the music, the _dress_. It was too much. It made her think about her first-last Arkham fundraiser, the one J had crashed, the one where he’d held her close and she’d realized…

Fuck. Damn. She thought she’d gotten past this.

“Thank you but no, I have a more… subtle plan,” grinning conspiratorially Ivy slipped her fingers into the cleavage of her green satin dress and pulled out a tiny vial of glowing liquid, “now what do you say we go and distract these big boys with our helpless feminine wiles so I can dose their drinks.”

“Oh,” Harley nodded, faking her smile as she straightened up. Shoulders shoved back as she braved the crowd, “that I can do! Watch out boys, Harley’s comin’ for ya!”

 

—-

 

The art of lurking was one J had down to a tee, sure he preferred being the master showman, the centre of the circus, but sometimes a good lurk was called for.

Like now for instance.

He hung back in the shadowed exit, watching the room from between furrowed brows. Business people and their vapid partners swarmed the banquet hall, the air filled with elegant laughter and orchestral music.

Disgusting.

He pulled a face, eyes growing hungrier by the second as he hunted through the suited mass. He needed to know _she_ was here, that she’d see his grand finale. That she’d realise it was time to come _home_. He had never been a patient man after all.

There - _there!_ The laughter hit him first, sharp and sweet and ever so slightly nasal as it drifted across the room. A singular symphony. She was circled by business men, black suited vultures with shiny bald spots and overbites.

Rage rage rage. Ooooh _there_ was that rage. His hand twitched against the barrel of his gun as she smiled winsomely at them, baby blue eyes twinkling with an innocence that always came before blood shed.

Or sex.

He bit his teeth against a growl as she tilted her head demurely exposing the perfect line of her pale throat. _Unmarked._ It took every speck of will power not to march across the room then and there, fist his hand in the corn silk hair coiled up on her head and suck his name into her throat. Show everyone _exactly_ who she belonged to.

No one played with his toys but _him._

Especially not _her,_ Poison Slimy, she appeared at his girl’s shoulder like a plague, smug smile on her face as she placed a manicured claw on Harley’s shoulder.

Fuck it. Go time.

He gave the signal, it was funny really (most things were) but all that planning he’d done for Brucie’s thwarted birthday party had actually come in handy. The PA company he’d threatened, the caterer, everything, it all came together now.

Circle of life and all that.

Not that he had time to dwell, not with his grand fanfare cutting over the stupid orchestral music. _Drumroll please_. The lights dimmed, his clowney crew corralling the exits.

And a one, and a two, and a one two three four -

“ _Good evening Gotham_!”

 

—-

 

“ _Good evening Gotham!”_

Harley froze, pulse roaring in her ears as she caught sight of him through the crowd. Spine tingling as the familiar circus music cut through the noise. Her every secret fantasy coming true as he appeared as if she’d summoned him.

“Mistah J…”

He was all she could see. All she could _think_. The twisted, scarred smile she new better than her own, the broad shoulders and braced hands and those eyes.

Burning. Madness. Beauty.

Looking right at her.

Everything was perfectly still, the moment captured in amber before the corner of his mouth twitched upwards and her heart started kicking in her chest.

“I heard you were having a party ,” he gasped, clutching his chest theatrically, “and you didn’t _invite_ _me?”_

He looked good. _So_ good. Emerald hair ruffled, and that suit - it clung to him. Perfectly tailored as he approached the crowd. They gasped and scattered, the spotlight creaking as it followed him.

She’d bet Sparky was on light duties, he had good strong arms and a poor to medium sense of timing. Bless.

“But don’t worry, no no no _don’t_ worry,” he slapped an old man around the face, his grin razor sharp as he inched closer and closer, “I’m not here to spoil your fun. Not at all. I’ve come for something _much. More. Important.”_

 _Me,_ she thought desperately, _he's here for me. Me me me. Please._

His eyes found her again, the perfect predator as he pinned her in place with a look. She swallowed hard, it was suddenly impossible to breathe as he took another step towards her. Menacing and beautiful.

“Romance boys and girls, ya see I’ve been missing something very special from my life these last few weeks,” _she was very special,_ “something irreplaceable,” _she was irreplaceable,_ “something I just can’t seem to do with out.”

She felt like she could _fly._

“I miss seeing my girl _smile_ .” His gaze hit her like a freight train, turning her insides upside down and sideways as he bared his teeth at her, “And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make my girl _smile_.”

An explosion rocketed through the building, a whoopee cushion sound of excitement as streamers burst from the ceiling. Green and Purple heart shaped confetti raining down in a swirl of sweet scented fog.

The screams were short lived, turning to shrieks, turning to _laughter._

Oh God she’d _missed_ it. The horrific, gasping peals of laughter as the crowd began to wheeze and groan. Glasses shattered, tables crashing to the ground as they doubled over crying and chuckling as beautiful chaos rained down around them.

And there he was in the middle of it, confetti catching in his hair as he opened his arms wide to her and winked, “miss me baby?”

She couldn’t stop herself, she didn’t want to,

She ran, dropping the glass she was holding as she crossed the space between them. Everything else forgotten as he opened his arms for her, sweeping her up and twirling her off her feet as she inhaled him by the lungful. She couldn’t get enough, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t...

His mouth slanted across hers, a sloppy wet burst of passion that had her head spinning as her feet hit the ground again.

Touching him _hurt,_ scarring her up from the inside. An electric shock in her veins, like Frankenstein’s monster coming alive all at once. The bride of the monster. His monster. His his his.

“That’s my girl,” he growled, fingers twisting in her hair, palms pressed against her cheeks as he kissed her again hard enough to bruise. Stars burst behind her eyes as she sank into him, punch drunk and perfect. An addict, half starved and wasting away, finally getting their hit. “My only Harley.”

“J,” she mumbled against his lips, his name echoing inside of her like a prayer, “Mistah J…”

“You forgive me for being such a grump, dontcha baby girl?”

“Yes,” she breathed, still dizzy from his kisses. So mixed up she couldn’t even remember what they were fighting about. Couldn’t remember her own name with his hands creeping down her spine, thumbs digging into her hip bones as he nipped at her scars. “Of course. Anything.”

The smile _ached_ as it split her face. Feeling right for the first time in a long time.

“Harley!” Ivy’s voice cut through the daze, she turned to grin. To show her friend how right everything had become at last. She’d understand now, she’d be so _happy_ for her!

“Ah yes,” J muttered before raising his voice and snapping his fingers, “boys!”

J’s grip fastened on her, Harley freezing as her best friend was grabbed by Bozo and Bonko. Unable to do anything but watch as J, one arm still wrapped tight about her waist, raised his gun.

“ _No_!”

 


	6. Love is Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I’d get this finished before Gotham didn’t I? Even if it was just by a matter of hours XD

Poison Ivy.

Poison  _ fucking  _ Ivy _. _

Oh he hadn’t forgotten her, no no noooo! It was time for that green tinged harpy to get her comeuppance. Revenge, like a custard pie, was a dish best served cold.

“ _ No!”  _ Harley’s shout cut through him, wriggling in his grasp as he aimed his shot. “Don’t you dare!”

He scowled, tightening his arm around her as he threw her a quelling look, “Not now Harley, Daddy’s busy.”

A sharp little fist connected with his side, her pearly whites bared as she wiggled against him. “Don’t even think about it!”

He sighed, sliding his gaze back to her with a huff, “But sweet cheeks,” he gestured at the witch with the barrel of his gun, “She’s getting between us.”

Her face puffed up, nose scrunching as she glared at him. She was just  _ too _ adorable. It made him want to cut her again just to take the edge off it.

“No she’s not,” she huffed, “ _ you  _ got between us! You kicked me out, you… you… you said I was a goon…”

Her face fell, anger trailing off as those baby blues started to shine. Oh fuck, not the tears, he could stand anything but the tears.

“ _ Harls-"  _ he started but she shook her head, cutting him off as she wiggled loose at last and stepped away. His hand twitched with the urge to snatch her back, fingers coiled at the sudden coldness at his side as she looked up at him. Placing herself directly between him and the moving shrub.

“I’m not a goon, J. And I don’t wanna be your henchman.” She squared her jaw, brave to the end, “Ivy showed me that.”

“You know I don’t think of you like that baby, you’re my partner in crime! The Bonnie to my Clyde, the Bert to my Ernie!”

“Then prove it.” Her lip wobbled, the steel of her gaze softening ever so slightly, “leave her alone. Let’s… let’s just go  _ home _ .”

 

_ —- _

 

Harley couldn’t stand it. Her heart had stopped beating when he’d pulled the gun on Red, the useless organ sinking so fast it damn near dropped out of her butt in the ringing silence.

He couldn’t, he  _ wouldn’t _ . 

For the first time since she’d shacked up with J Harley felt torn, wrenched down the middle as they faced off with each other. 

Ivy was frozen, hands raised, sharp nails poised to attack as her face contorted in a snarl. J was leant back, a picture of casual with his legs spread wide and a big ass gun aimed at her new best friend.

She couldn’t let him hurt her, she just  _ couldn’t,  _ not after all Ivy had done for her. 

Could she?

“ _ J,”  _ she was on the verge of begging, anything to end this new nightmare before someone did something they’d regret, well  _ she’d _ regret.

J looked at her, emotions flashing across his eyes like carousel horses on crack. A tilt a whirl rush of things she couldn’t describe.

_ Please please please,  _ she pleaded with him silently. Euphoria and anxiety making her dizzy, head spinning as the world pitched and rolled beneath her feet as she stared down the only man she’d ever truly loved.

_ Click. _

The sound shot through her like a bullet, whole body flinching as J clicked on the safety back on his gun. Lowering it with a long suffering sigh.

“Fiiiiiine,” he huffed, gesturing her forward as he holstered his weapon, “the things I do for you.”

Did he? Was it?

Oh thank cheese and crackers! 

Her heart started kicking again, adrenaline turning sweet against her tongue as she ran to him again. The world right once more. 

“Oh thank you puddin’, thank you thank you thank you!” She pressed kisses to every inch of his face she could reach. Only pulling back when he tugged at her hair with a chastising cluck.

“Women, huh?” He shook his head with that twitchy little half smile that had her insides cavorting like drunken druids, “can’t live with them, can’t bury them under the patio and say they moved outta town. Come on then baby cakes.”

She was three steps towards the door before she paused, looking back and meeting Ivy’s cool green eyes.

“Just… gimme a sec, puddin’.” She murmured, something like guilt bubbling inside of her as she held Ivy’s gaze.

“ _ Harley _ ,” J’s hand tightened at her waist, a warning in his voice. She’d pushed him far enough for one day, she knew it, but she couldn’t leave just yet.

Not without saying goodbye.

“ _ Jaaaay.”  _ She echoed him, keeping her smile teasing as she bopped a finger against his nose, “it will only take a second okay, then I’m all yours.  _ All yours. _ ”

She winked and he growled, snapping his teeth at her as he reluctantly loosened his hold. “Five minutes and then I’m burning this place to the ground.”

“Five minutes.” She promised, skipping quickly back to where Ivy had been released by the goons. A half sneer still on her face as she smoothed out her dress.

“Hey Red…”

Ivy snatched her arm up, tugging her closer. It was only then Harley noticed the real worry in her eyes.

“What are you doing?” Ivy asked in a quiet rush, eyes darting back to the exit, “you’re so much better off without him, you know that right?”

“I am him,” she replied, shoulder hitching in a half shrug, “and he’s me. It’s messed up Red, but that’s love. It makes you do crazy things.”

Ivy sighed, giving her a look she couldn’t quite read as she muttered “Tell me about it.” 

“Look, I just wanted to say… take care of yaself will ya, Red?” Shaking loose of Ivy’s death grip she threw her arms around the taller woman instead, taking a deep breath that smelt like roses and black earth as she hugged her tightly, “and thank you. For… for everything.”

“Any time, Harley,” she sighed as she let her go, green eyes lingering as Harley pulled away, “take care of  _ yourself _ with that clown.”

“I will, promise!” She beamed, dancing away, “don’t be a stranger!”

Time was ticking after all and J was waiting.

“Ready pookie?” He asked as she caught up with him at last, hastily blowing out a lit match and looking innocent.

“Yup! We just gotta pick up the babies, they’re in a van outside. They missed you.”

“Not as much as I missed you.” He pulled her closer, scars rubbing asking hers as he snuggled into her. setting her heart fluttering all over again. “Come on then, let’s go home.”

“Sounds perfect.”

He didn’t realise she already was, for better or worse it seemed. He was her home.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s all she wrote folks! Thanks so much for reading and commenting - It really does make my life <333

**Author's Note:**

> Ooooh drama! I hope you don’t hate me too much for that first chapter :-P if y’all are still talking to me please consider leaving a comment! They keep me writing! :-D


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